My Weight Loss Journey

Hello Everyone! My name is Allie Lansman, I am currently a senior studying dietetics at Iowa State University, and I am the National Healthy Living Ambassador representing Iowa. 

Today, I wanted to take some time to introduce myself to you and talk about my experience with 4-H and Health Living and why these are the two most important aspects of my life. 

2015 has marked my 13^th consecutive year being involved in 4-H. It is amazing that it has been so long since I was a wide-eyed, shy, and excited 4th grader, eager to become the 4^th generation of my family to join 4-H, unknowing of the future opportunities that the program held in store for me. 

I jumped full force into 4-H, taking advantage of the experiences, opportunities, and skills that 4-H offered, which are all still important aspects of my life that I use today. But through these amazing moments in my life, 4-H became something that is so much more to me than a club or program. It is a true love, finally somewhere I could fit in and be myself. The most important thing it ever gave me was the confidence to believe in myself. This may not seem like much, but to me it was everything. It has helped me with many difficult situations that I have struggled through in my life, one of the most defining trials was my life long fight with obesity.

Being obese was something I lived with the majority of my life. Starting from a very young age, being overweight has already enveloped my life. When I was young, I did not realize what was wrong with me, I just knew I looked different than all of the other children, particularly girls, my age. Once I became older, I realized what was different about me and that it was developing into a serious problem, topping out at 135lbs in 6th grade. Teachers and even doctors begged me to lose weight, but no matter what, I could not get myself to change. I struggled to get through daily life, walking up the stairs was hard and I never participated in sports or PE because I was extremely embarrassed and I knew that I would get viciously made fun of as I had been many times before. I struggled a lot with self-image, being constantly paranoid about what I looked like and what others were thinking about the way I looked. I was constantly focused on this fact, while many of my classmates and friends were focused on looking pretty and wearing make-up I was focused on making sure no one paid attention to the way I looked and the fact that I was very fat. I remember during my 5th and 6th grades I alternated wearing 2 different baggy sweatshirts all year round so that maybe no one would look at me a notice my shape. I also took it upon myself to never look in a mirror, because every time I did all I would think how ugly and chunky I was on the outside, never giving consideration to the sweet and beautiful person I was on the inside. This constant negative self-talk took a toll on my emotional health and lead me to be an introverted, pessimistic person. 

I also struggled with bullying because of my weight while in school. The boys and girls were both mean, constant jokes and name calling. I knew never to get to close or communicate with the "jock" type boys or "popular" & "pretty" girls in my class, I knew they did not think I was pretty, but I never wanted to be told that to my face. All of this causing many emotional breakdowns and crying sessions as I drove home when class was over. 

            

Yet, even though I was miserable on the inside, I kept up the appearance of denial I with a happy smile on the outside to make sure that no one could see my pain and shame that I felt of myself.I was actually very good at pretending to be happy as a very involved student (I was in almost every activity you would think of, NOT SPORTS!!!), with decent grades and great best friends.

FINALLY!!!!!

One day I was walking in my PE class behind a couple of girls (not my favorite people in the world), when I looked up and noticed one of the girls was walking with her thighs clenched together and her feet out, making fun of the way my thighs rubbed together when I walked, then they would both turn back and laugh right at my face. 

When I left school, I was not sad, I was furious. I was so angry and I did not believe that anyone had the right to laugh straight in my face. I began to realize that this is what everyone expected of me for the rest of my life, a fat girl faking happy. Well, I was going to show them, all of them!

I had finally hit that point: I was fed up with what I had done to myself, I was sick of being unhappy and depressed, and I wanted to start being myself and letting the real Allie shine!

I was 5'3" and 171lbs. It was time to make a change.

I had a honest talk with my mother (AKA: my rock & my best friend), who has also struggled with obesity her whole life, and told her how I was feeling and that I needed to change my life. She agreed with me and we made a pact to do this together as a team, constantly providing each other support and keeping each other working toward our goals. 

Because I spent the majority of my life obese, I had to lose the weight by completely changing my entire lifestyle. NO FAD DIETS!!! I began with the food I was consuming, by implementing portion control, switching to wholesome and more nutritious foods, and learning the nutrition that I required on a daily basis. I then added exercise and I can truthfully say that I am at least 99.99% more active than I was three years ago, because I never exercised before. 

I will and cannot lie to any of you,  this was the most hard and difficult challenge I have ever been in. I literally had to change my entire life. I decided to do this the hard way too, without magic pills or mail-order programs, because I am a person that believes appreciation comes from hard work, and trust me I am appreciative of every single second and drop of sweat that I put into this goal.

Eventually, after a ton of hard work and a few struggles and setbacks along the way, I was able to complete my journey successfully lose 50lbs  in one year (my mom lost 50lbs, too!).  

And I did show everyone that had ever doubted me or expected me to be fat/get fatter for the rest of my life, but through my process of losing weight, the journey turned into so much more. Yes it does feel good when I walk into a room and people see me and their jaws drop or when someone who had previously made fun of me in high school has to tell me that I look amazing, but honestly, other than the confidence boost, none of that matters to me anymore. This is about me and how I feel, this is about what I think of me and not what others think, this is about me saving my life.

On this journey, I became a whole new me, and I really enjoyed this leaner, healthier, but most importantly, happy Allie.